Big Sister Coaching And Training
It's all about the energy of life, so stop wasting your will power!
It's all about the energy of life, so stop wasting your will power!
Dear Heart,
Let me reassure you that those 3 years of your life were NOT wasted. Love is ALWAYS good, even if it isn’t forever.
Let me give you this analogy:
Imagine you are backpacking around the world by yourself, and say you find yourself in India. You’re having a great time, and then you meet up with someone else who is also travelling by themselves, so you decide to team up together.
You have a terrific time, and really enjoy each other’s company. You have lots of fun and see many interesting things, and learn a lot about each other and from each other.
But then the day comes when you’re at the border of India, deciding where to go next. You’d love to go to China. Unfortunately, China does absolutely nothing for your friend, who has their heart set on Russia. And sadly, Russia does absolutely nothing for you! So you both sit and think, and someone suggests a compromise – hey, why not go to Japan instead?
So now you have three obvious options:
1. Your friend can give up their dream and go to China with you. You’d be very happy. Sadly, your partner will not. Be assured, everytime they have an unhappy experience, you’re going to be hearing about it!
2. You can give up your dream of going to China, and go to Russia in order to continue being with your friend. But in the back of your mind, you’ll be wondering if you shouldn’t have just gone along with your dream in the first place. Playing the martyr isn’t good for the friendship.
3. Or you can both give up your dreams, and compromise on a mutual decision. Neither of you will have what you really want, both will be wondering what might have been.
Now, don’t give up here. Because there is a fourth option.
You can realise that none of these three options listed above is really in everyone’s best interest, but you love your friend enough to have them follow their heart’s desire. You also have enough love and respect for yourself to realise that you really need to go your way too. Can you tell where this is leading?
You can lovingly say your goodbyes on this hypothetical border of India, wishing your friend lots of future love and happiness on their ongoing travels, and knowing that you too will draw other interesting companions into your life. You can both treasure the memories and the wisdom that your journey together has contributed to your lives, but without needing to make it last forever.
The Buddhists have a wonderful little saying: Pain happens when you try to hold on to what is trying to move on.
So don’t regret the time that you have had together. You have quite likely emerged as a more developed person, wiser, more insightful, more savvy. (Sometimes learning what we DON’T want is more valuable, because it helps to shape our ideas of what we DO want). So even if it wasn’t the perfect relationship, it was still important for you to have.
Oh, and by the way, the sooner you get over the anger of this “failed” relationship, the faster you can attract someone even better.
Love strongly, but love lightly!
Let me know what you think! And if you have a question that you’d me to answer, please use my contact page to send it to me, and I’ll answer it in a future post.
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